I have been too busy to blog much, or even think about things to write. Unfortunately, there is really not a whole lot of news to report. There is a relatively minor update in the saga with the heeler next door. He has come over to our place looking for trouble a total of three times. You know about the first time. The second time, I threatened to kill him. The third time (two days ago), he threatened to kill Henry. I started to research dog-killing laws, and discovered that it’s impossible to murder a dog. One message board I read said the following: “You can shoot dogs all day because they’re legally considered property… You can’t murder property.” I read a few other cases where unruly dogs were either the recipients of bullets or nasty shocks, and Utah’s dog statute gives any citizen the right to dispatch an aggressive dog.

So, I went to the gun store.
Gun store guy (Chuck): “Can I help you sir?”
Sam: “What load would you recommend for killing dogs?”
Chuck: “Has it really come to this?”
Sam: “I’m afraid so. What should I get?”
Chuck: “Well, that depends. Do you want to kill him on the first shot, or do you want to kill him with seven or eight shots?”
Sam: “Doesn’t matter. I want him dead.”
Chuck: “Well, I’d get the Glock model 22 in .40 S&W with hydroshock bullets. You’ll stop the dog in one shot (Chuck makes popping noise), and you’ll have extra rounds for the owner if he gets a little too upset, if you know what I mean.”
Sam: “Hmmm. But the dog’ll be gone, right.”
Chuck: Points finger like gun and makes popping noise again.

In all honesty, I took a few liberties with the conversation above, but it’s not all a lie. I’m going to leave it at that, and I’m not going to mention the heeler next door again. No, he’s not already dead.

On a note of eternal importance, they made me the Young Men President in our ward. This was a real shocker for everyone, especially me. I know our bishop pretty well, and I thought I had said and done enough to be considered a loose cannon. Everyone should know how much fun a loose cannon is. I made one once and nearly killed Brad Pack. We laughed for days. Anyhow, people are calling me now wondering what to do about this, and wondering if I can get the Young Men to do that, and I don’t ever have the answer. Last Sunday, I told someone to check with the Bishop, as he was the “real” president anyway. I have a lot of growing to do. Responsibility and growing are a lot alike. It’s stimulating to talk about, but it’s not that enjoyable, and it usually hurts.

Well, I’m off to scout camp tonight. Laugh it up.

S

*** This blog is dedicated to Grandma Lois ***